Ughhh.
I hate it when the computer gives me attitude.This next post would not “transfer” when I converted to the new blog, but it’s like my other child–near and dear. The heartbeat of what I feel…. day in and day out.
And I figured having doubts never goes out of style,right?
For all the HONEST souls:
Doubt:
Doubt is that person… alone in the corner
At a party…that we snub
That we as “believers” pretend we don’t know
We act as if we do not recognize him—not wanting to give him a name
Meanwhile we have all been having an affair with him
Sharing secrets with him at the midnight hour
But we must be clandestine about our relationship with him
Because if we let everyone else know that we have slept with him in the darkest hours of the night then
Our image might be stained
We are scared to admit that we have rolled around with him in the most sacred places
In the most vulnerable places
In the sanctuary of loneliness we have prayed with him at our side
But our pride protects the secret of this intimate experience…we dare not tell anyone
The thought of taking doubt upon the street corners and introducing him …causes our heart to race
In our inmost being we are afraid he might embarrass us…and in our sub consciousness we are afraid that he make us disappointed and delusional
We fear that the house of cards will come tumbling down if we let him speak
But what we have missed is that doubt is faith’s best friend
They can be found in the deepest valleys and the highest mountaintops holding hands like unabashed lovers
You can not truly know one with out knowing the other
Doubt cries out in our deepest anguish and faith is its echo
But we crush him, we smother him—we refuse to let him speak
Worried he may destroy us
But if we were to wrestle with doubt in the wee hours of the night…
Would he not bring passion to our faith at the break of day
Would he not lead us down a road that is much higher than the one we have been walking
I dare say if we became his friend we would live life beyond rules and regulations
If we were to take our faith and dance with doubt until we were utterly exhausted
Then would we not find our faith more authentic
For doubt is the yeast that feeds the Bread of Life
If only…
If only we would dare to stand side by side with doubt and take his hand in ours…unashamed
But instead we avoid him, frightened he will reveal the truth
Scared the truth will let us down
But what we miss out by not befriending him becomes our very ruin
Because in the end if we never breathe in his air…
We suffocate our faith and the Truth dies within us—never to be truly found.
