Warning this will not be cheesy,gooby,or over the top mushy. I promise. It goes against my grain. I am too pissy over the fact that I had all these photos scanned to post on here and Wolf Camera,God love ‘e,lost em…just had to get that out.
Ahhh...breathe. “It will be ok,Lindsay.” repeat:” It will be ok….worse things could happen.”
So, now that I am trying to getting over my photo mourning let me tell you what this blog will be: honest with a bit of sweetness. Kind of like dark chocolate
Now to the point of this ole posting….
Today marks 9 years of marriage with my best friend, Seth, also known as the hubs. It also marks the fact that I have now known him 19 years. We have come a long way since 8th grade…an era of rugby shirts, Abercombie and Fitch wear, tight rolled jeans and slow dances with REM playing “Night Swimming” in the background as we danced like awkward zombies.
Interesting how different we are, yet so much the same. We are different as a conservative black jacket and cutoff jeans. Me, always talking bit too much—telling a bit too much, him a bundle of privacy–having to sometimes pry it out of him. He is organized and abides by all the rules even the ones that don’t seem so important to me like getting your oil changed every 2000 miles, return red box movies on time kind of mentality. I am by the whim, seat of my pants kind of gal. He is do what you are told, I am can we find a way to break the rules if possible?? I mean if it helps everyone else is it that bad? He sees the glass half empty, I see it half full. He likes funny, over the top comical, make your side hurt from laughing kind of movies, I like anything with Doris Day,Gene Kelly,Adurey Hepburn…anything with a classic flair or some drama woven in the plot.
We are opposites on so many levels. Yet we are so alike. We both have our flairs of creativity. We both are dreamers addicted to our wanderlust of this vast world. We both are pretty macro in our approach to life—we abhor details—just give us both the big picture! We both have a love for city life and are obsessed with living in South America for at least one summer. We both have an insatiable appetite for good music, but lack any music ability…in fact we may be deficient. When it comes to talking we can spend hours sitting on the couch breaking down life’s meaning—while I multi task blogging and talking he sits still and patient with me with his glass of red wine and deep thoughts. We both eat weird..we stand up while we eat, we pick at our food, we mismatch our foods like pizza and two spoonful’s of almond butter with honey. We both believe in the other. ..fiercely. We both love to work out and break a good sweat and when we don’t we turn into wretched highly irritable human beings. He has taught me what it means to “follow through”, be loyal, and be ethical at all costs, to ask tough questions, to think about life and others at a far deeper level…and to be more thoughtful.
Nine years ago on that cold December evening, I had no clue what my 24 year old, fledgling and naive self was getting into. Sure glad I didn’t. I didn’t know marriage wouldn’t be easy all the time; actually it would be hard as hell on some days. I didn’t know that not every day you wake up with butterflies. I didn’t know on some days you just want to quit. Or that on some days, you feel it’s just too hard. I didn’t know that that person wouldn’t fulfill me or my needs, or my wants. I didn’t know that marriage is impossible without God and an insane amount of grace and compromise.
But what I didn’t know either is that God could give us this bond that seems to withstand the intense pull and gravitational force of a society that pulls marriages into a cavernous, muddy pit and kills them like a plague gone wild. I didn’t know that when we both were broken by hardship, God would make us stronger than ever. I didn’t know that that when we finally shelved ourselves and gave Him the reigns (as scary as it was) that all of life became harder, except our marriage. Almost as if when we were humbled under His hand and finally yielded, He put this fortress around the two of us. Arrows of heartache and struggle landed on pretty much everything else, but not our relationship. By the grace of God, we have survived a really rough patch the first couple years of our marriage, intense clinical depression that bobs its head all too often, the roller coaster lifestyle of being in the entrepreneurial world, financial struggle, infertility, multiple health issues, and life in a neighborhood that often can be unnerving when our patience runs low.
But as I sit here and write this I know it so not me or Seth nor anything we have done that has brought us to this peaceful place in our marriage. But Jesus. I feel like He pulled us out of the boat of our lives that was sinking when we finally realized our row boat of a marriage was not going to survive the tumultuous seas of life. He yanked us out of our shoddy boat, took off our heavy, wet and weighted down garments, and put us in a new boat, a boat that could withstand the harshest winds and most hellish storms— His hands. I don’t worry anymore about getting through the crashing waves that tower over us anymore; I just know that if we are both submitting to God then He’ll take care of us. Everything good and right flows out of that place where He has to come first.
Sounds cliché,fairy-tellish, I know. But it’s true. By the grace of God we go I. It’s impossible without him. Marriage is a rough ride through a tsunami with row boat paddles if you don’t have God. That’s the only way I know how to sum it up. I pray, no I beg, God for the protection of our marriage, as does Seth. For His hands to fold up so tight around us that grandest attempts of hell are thwarted.
Even as I write this I have two friends, two Christian friends going through horrendous, heartbreaking divorces. My heart bleeds for them. I swear, I would permanently hug them if I could. But I can’t. So I pray with them, love them and walk with them..and learn from them. This is a broken world full of broken dreams. Broken people.
And today as my heart swells with love where God has brought us, I am also sub consciously praying for more fortification than ever…because I know He has brought us to dry land right now and the sun is shining right now, but the winds will blow. And I am glad they do because the winds are the only things that have forced us tow stubborn souls to realize we cannot do this on our own.
So today I thank God for this sweet man, who has taught me to see this life through an altogether different colored lense—one with shades of sensitivity, kindness, and gentleness. Just this morning he looked over me with his coffee gripped in his big ole right hand, leaning against the kitchen counter, and sai, “linds, I know that you love me, better or worse, richer or poorer…because we’ve been worse, we’ve been poor and you never wavered.” And I teared up and I felt 14 all over again, and I remembered in that moment how I felt at that young age, so hopeful, so full of dreams. And recognized the fact that I still felt the same way, but at 33 I know now love runs much deeper than white picket fences and the perfect engagement ring.
Love flows fully only when tested and tried.
This May 2010 Rockport, Mass. 2007
Life as a mom and a dad… Seth and his RIDICULOUS once a year mustache…why i am even showing you this, i do not know!!
some time circa 1997..long before marriage!!
****i have lots of photos I wanted to share and embarrass myself with my 1994 hair and clothing but they are somewhere buried in the chaos of the Wolfe Camera store in Green Hills…guess, I will have to ridicule myself another day:)