Friday morning was a typical run around the house, let’s try to get ready without making this house too much of a tornado of toys,mailed piled high, dirty dishes, and clothes that need to be ironed but I am allergic to ironing kind of episode. The typical here at the Jennings household where we are better at hanging out with friends and family and having a good time than we are at getting out of the front door in an orderly fashion. We can host a party with the best of ‘em…but getting places. Feghettabouittt.
All that to say, I was in a hurry to meet up with a woman that is a new friend of mine yet I have “known” of her awhile. Despite me knowing of her for years we have just never really gotten to know one another beside the usual “hi,there”, “bye,there” song and dance. I guess you could say we live on different planets…actually let’s be honest, we live in different galaxies. From outside looking in, we have zilch in common, but she has stolen my heart with her genuine,transparent, no bull kind of attitude—which is always refreshing here in the south where we fake it ‘til we make it. After I dropped Roman off in a hurry, I headed to meet her…I was as excited about our time as I was disheveled.
We ordered our coffee at my favorite coffee shop, Frothy, and dove in quick in fast into the waters of everyday life- the conversation mimicked my satirical personality landscape, with my deep thinking, ever wandering mind creating strokes here and there. And in the midst of talking about something serious and life changing like planting petunias, she stammered, “you are so different than I thought you were…wish we would have been friends earlier.”
Which instantly brought my mind rolling back to this place. This hot September day last year:
When a 300 pound African American woman with a heart as big as her spunky soul taught me a never- to- be- forgotten life lesson..remember?
Let’s go there…
As I rolled in front of our house today with groceries oozing out of every open crevice in my car, as my car always looks like I’m about to head out on a week’s journey to some remote location. But I’m not. It’s just full of I might need items. Like, I might have to touch a gas pump so load up on antibacterial soaps, or I might get cold at the park, so grab two jackets—one for if I’m kind of cold, one for if I’m really cold, or I might end up at a friend’s house late afternoon so grab Roman’s pajamas because mama’s mouth runs late…and long. I have this deep fear that if I make it to my geriatric years my family will put me in a mental institute for my car looking like this:
As soon as I got my grocery store on wheels turned off , I saw Sonny waiting on us with his face wedged in between the white slats.
Then I saw my favorite neighbor gal, Precious. Precious came out of her house(that is her real name), pointing that famous right index finger at me, with her left hand perched on her hip– the same one she used several weeks back when she said this to me as I went to get into my car:
“Mmm..mmmm…it’s a shame you wear yo’ hair on top of yo’ head like dat. If I had white girl hair like yours I’d take better care of mysefff.”
And I immediately I took my white girl moppy hair back in the house and brushed it. So here I was with that same finger waving in my face. I knew some kind of reproach was about to come out of her wide, crooked mouth ..and it did. She rolled her big brown eyes, and bulged them as if to make me pay extra attention…then she stammered, “Lindsay, girl, yo’ car’s a wreck. It’s always a wreck. When you gonna do somfin’ about dat??”
Ahh..nothing like unfiltered honesty to get the attention of my ADHD self.
I looked at her, shrugged my sweaty I –chose- to –run- to- the- grocery after my workout instead of shower shoulders…and replied, “I know,I know…it’s out of control. But good news is if I ever get stranded I will be able to survive for a good week!!”
And then she says what she always says, “girrlll, you CRAZY!”
Then I nodded my head in a firm north and south motion in agreement with half a dozen Publix bags hanging on my arms—I looked like a dilapidated Christmas tree with ornaments hanging from my limbs—except this tree was in need of a good shower and its ornaments were starting to melt.
Precious is brutally honest but she is also has a heart the size of our beagle, Sonny’s appetite. Which is BIGGGGG.
I guess I looked like I was going to fall over because Precious took her hand off her hip and leaned into help my soon-to-fall-over-self. And with a big sigh she uttered, “lem me help you,girl. Yo’ gonna break yo back.”
I took her up on the offer. It’s not like you could ruin my haphazard approach to unloading a car.
She grabbed the strawberries that had toppled over and ended up tangled with Roman’s sippy cups and his gazillion versions of Lightening McQueen on the floorboard.
She helped me from falling over like a newly chopped tree and walked in the house. And lickety split…everything was put away. She even filled cleaned off my counter so I could find a clear place to land the coffee flying around in my hands.
Now, I tell you all this because as we were putting groceries away. I had that thought that I continue to have as God has called us back to this street in some kind of odd,magical way…this not so normal neighborhood that has stolen my heart.
The thought of, “ I would have missed out on so many great relationships if God had not moved me out of my safe, boxed up world and let me move here.”
God has taken me from being the girl that use to label people (and still struggles from time to time) and shelve people into certain categories to someone that approaches people as…well, people. At the end of the day we are different, but more importantly we are the SAME.
We all need to be heard,we all need to be loved, we all need to be told that we matter. But, we often miss this concept. We see someone across the way and label them,wrap them up tightly in strings of judgment , then duct tape them with our own prejudices just to make sure they can’t get out, and box them up in the appropriate section without once asking them how they are, and then we walk away–oddly satisfied. Never taking the time to find out what is really inside.
Think about it—you did this today. You saw someone and thought: “they’re yuppie. They’re liberal. They have it all together. They are train wrecks . They are annoying church people. They are druggies. They are goodie two shoes. They are artsy. They aren’t artsy enough. They are open minded. They are close minded.
I think a lot of the reasons we do this is because we are scared of what is unfamiliar. We are scared of what we don’t know. I have so many people ask me if I get frightened in our neighborhood. And yes, I do at times. But I’m telling you these are the best neighbors I have ever had(and that’s from growing up in the suburbs)..they don’t have three heads and four eyes—they’re just people. They just do things differently. But if it weren’t for their differences I would have missed out on a lot of life lessons.
So today, mentally pull up that person…that old friend you’ve written off, that neighbor you don’t know because they seem weird, that girl or guy you won’t get to know all because you have them “figured out”..and then Get. To. Know. them.
You don’t have to be their best friend, most likely you won’t be. This isn’t about them. It’s about YOU. As soon as you give them a chance, you will find that something amazing happens.
People stop labeling YOU. It works both ways.
And truth be told when we are busy labeling people, we can’t get to know them..or more importantly, to LOVE them…
